Originally Posted by The Saint
For those of you who, like me, are bothered by the insane plot holes and (unacceptably) bad science, here's your chance to rewrite the scenes featuring them.
Think you could have done Star Trek better? I do. And I'm willing to put my keyboard where my mouth is. (Ugh, tastes like chicken!)
Here's Spock's mind-meld monologue, rewritten:
Spock: "Romulus's sun was dying. The newly re-formed Senate consulted their best minds -- they could conceive of no solution other than evacuation. But the Romulans are a proud people. Many, too many, refused to leave their homeworld to be scattered across colonies. I felt for them, Jim. I wanted to help them. With a team of their world's best scientists, I devised a device that we hoped would accelerate the reactions within their sun, to... rekindle its fire, to use a metaphor. We... succeeded. The star's reactions accelerated out of control. Within a week, the solar activity had wreaked havoc on the atmosphere of Romulus. The tides rose. Volcanic and seismic activity tore the surface of the planet apart. Your God is said to have created a planet in six days. Jim... I destroyed one in seven. And now I must pay."
Wordy, but not much more so than the original.
I have to admit that I quite like that! For me, the mindmeld scene, while much better upon a second viewing, was the clunkiest part of the film. If we're doing AU still (and I like the AU, so I'd prefer to keep it), we'd still need to work in time travel somehow.
I can't write fiction (give me a research paper and I've got it covered), so I'll just tell you what I would rewrite and a brief description of how/why.
If I had to change anything, the one thing I would definitely do is come up with something better than red matter. It's just random and sounds like someone came up with it off the top of their head, which they probably did. Everone knows what dark matter is (or has vaguely heard of it), but since we don't know exactly what it's comprised of or what you can do with it when manipulated in certain ways, they totally could have just called it dark matter and it would have been far less cheesy than red matter. And why did he have so much
red matter if you only needed a drop to do the trick?
So even if we had to keep the somewhat clunky mind-meld monologue, I would have simply changed the words "red matter" to "dark matter" and said something about how a superdense concentration of dark matter injected into/near the sun would create a singularity blah blah blah and be done with it. We'll conveniently ignore how exactly one would go about storing and transporting the dark matter.