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  #11  
Old 05-10-2009, 10:53 PM
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Hopefully forum participation. Everybody had at least one scene they thought was ridiculous. Rewrite it for us, show us how you would have liked it to play out.
OK. Got the idea, sounds good.
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  #12  
Old 05-10-2009, 10:59 PM
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The six days/seven days lines were added as an homage; Star Trek has very occasionally referenced the Judeo-Christian god in both episodes and films. It was also added to demonstrate Spock's perception of the magnitude of his mistake and to demonstrate the burden of guilt he feels for it.

I mean, if Nero is pissed enough at Spock to go all Biblical with not merely "eye for an eye" but "planet for a planet", then it would require Spock to be directly responsible for the thing Nero's all vengeful over, and when you destroy a whole planet -- even if by trying to save it -- that's gonna lay some serious guilt on you.
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  #13  
Old 05-10-2009, 11:14 PM
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It's a neat scenario, but doesn't really delve into the time travel aspect.
The film didn't explain the notion of a galaxy-destroying supernova, but that did help to set it apart as an utterly unprecedented, unstoppable threat. And once you get into the realm of 'artificial black holes' time travel and all sorts of other malarkey potentially enters the fray too.

Still, I'd personally have preferred a time-travel-free plot for the new film - but that'd be far more likely to require a 'true reboot' of the series, something that'd irk more people than it'd placate.
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  #14  
Old 05-10-2009, 11:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Saint View Post
For those of you who, like me, are bothered by the insane plot holes and (unacceptably) bad science, here's your chance to rewrite the scenes featuring them.

Think you could have done Star Trek better? I do. And I'm willing to put my keyboard where my mouth is. (Ugh, tastes like chicken!)

Here's Spock's mind-meld monologue, rewritten:

Spock: "Romulus's sun was dying. The newly re-formed Senate consulted their best minds -- they could conceive of no solution other than evacuation. But the Romulans are a proud people. Many, too many, refused to leave their homeworld to be scattered across colonies. I felt for them, Jim. I wanted to help them. With a team of their world's best scientists, I devised a device that we hoped would accelerate the reactions within their sun, to... rekindle its fire, to use a metaphor. We... succeeded. The star's reactions accelerated out of control. Within a week, the solar activity had wreaked havoc on the atmosphere of Romulus. The tides rose. Volcanic and seismic activity tore the surface of the planet apart. Your God is said to have created a planet in six days. Jim... I destroyed one in seven. And now I must pay."

Wordy, but not much more so than the original.
Saint, that was awesome! Well written, sir.
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Old 05-11-2009, 01:50 AM
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Thanks, Martok. S'what Ah do.
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  #16  
Old 05-11-2009, 01:53 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Saint View Post
For those of you who, like me, are bothered by the insane plot holes and (unacceptably) bad science, here's your chance to rewrite the scenes featuring them.

Think you could have done Star Trek better? I do. And I'm willing to put my keyboard where my mouth is. (Ugh, tastes like chicken!)

Here's Spock's mind-meld monologue, rewritten:

Spock: "Romulus's sun was dying. The newly re-formed Senate consulted their best minds -- they could conceive of no solution other than evacuation. But the Romulans are a proud people. Many, too many, refused to leave their homeworld to be scattered across colonies. I felt for them, Jim. I wanted to help them. With a team of their world's best scientists, I devised a device that we hoped would accelerate the reactions within their sun, to... rekindle its fire, to use a metaphor. We... succeeded. The star's reactions accelerated out of control. Within a week, the solar activity had wreaked havoc on the atmosphere of Romulus. The tides rose. Volcanic and seismic activity tore the surface of the planet apart. Your God is said to have created a planet in six days. Jim... I destroyed one in seven. And now I must pay."

Wordy, but not much more so than the original.
That's good, you get right to the point. 'Romulus' sun was dying.' That pretty much sums up Spock's dilemma going into this whole mess in four words. Nice job, Saint! After that line, I had to read to the end.
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  #17  
Old 05-11-2009, 02:22 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Saint View Post
Spock: "Romulus's sun was dying. The newly re-formed Senate consulted their best minds -- they could conceive of no solution other than evacuation. But the Romulans are a proud people. Many, too many, refused to leave their homeworld to be scattered across colonies. I felt for them, Jim. I wanted to help them. With a team of their world's best scientists, I devised a device that we hoped would accelerate the reactions within their sun, to... rekindle its fire, to use a metaphor. We... succeeded. The star's reactions accelerated out of control. Within a week, the solar activity had wreaked havoc on the atmosphere of Romulus. The tides rose. Volcanic and seismic activity tore the surface of the planet apart. Your God is said to have created a planet in six days. Jim... I destroyed one in seven. And now I must pay."
Perfect. Kudos! Change "your God" to "your biblical God" for reasons of political and factual correctness (earth has many gods) and you are done. Nice work!
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  #18  
Old 05-11-2009, 10:05 AM
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I considered that, Botany, except that in that monologue, Spock is speaking directly to Kirk. Whenever Kirk referred to a god, at least in the original timeline, it was always the Christian one. And I've never been a fan of political correctness.
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  #20  
Old 05-11-2009, 10:41 AM
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Spock Meeting Scotty for the first time

Spock:: Jim this clown can’t be Scotty I think he is an imposter
Shoot him now and his little friend Toto too
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