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  #1  
Old 05-10-2009, 10:30 PM
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Default Rewrites.

For those of you who, like me, are bothered by the insane plot holes and (unacceptably) bad science, here's your chance to rewrite the scenes featuring them.

Think you could have done Star Trek better? I do. And I'm willing to put my keyboard where my mouth is. (Ugh, tastes like chicken!)

Here's Spock's mind-meld monologue, rewritten:

Spock: "Romulus's sun was dying. The newly re-formed Senate consulted their best minds -- they could conceive of no solution other than evacuation. But the Romulans are a proud people. Many, too many, refused to leave their homeworld to be scattered across colonies. I felt for them, Jim. I wanted to help them. With a team of their world's best scientists, I devised a device that we hoped would accelerate the reactions within their sun, to... rekindle its fire, to use a metaphor. We... succeeded. The star's reactions accelerated out of control. Within a week, the solar activity had wreaked havoc on the atmosphere of Romulus. The tides rose. Volcanic and seismic activity tore the surface of the planet apart. Your God is said to have created a planet in six days. Jim... I destroyed one in seven. And now I must pay."

Wordy, but not much more so than the original.
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Old 05-10-2009, 10:34 PM
Vagrant Zero Vagrant Zero is offline
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Needs more sex and violence.
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Old 05-10-2009, 10:36 PM
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In my version, that happens behind the scenes, where the production team screws the fan-base and the fan-base in turn wishes bodily harm upon them for it.
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Old 05-10-2009, 10:38 PM
Thascales Thascales is offline
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I actually do like yours better than the Hobus star stuff. It's simpler, makes more sense, and the effect on the final film is the same.
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Old 05-10-2009, 10:40 PM
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Thanks, Thascales.
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Old 05-10-2009, 10:47 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Saint View Post
In my version, that happens behind the scenes, where the production team screws the fan-base and the fan-base in turn wishes bodily harm upon them for it.
Lol touche.
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Old 05-10-2009, 10:48 PM
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Sounds good Saint. Where's this headed?
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Old 05-10-2009, 10:49 PM
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Hopefully forum participation. Everybody had at least one scene they thought was ridiculous. Rewrite it for us, show us how you would have liked it to play out.
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Old 05-10-2009, 10:49 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Saint View Post
For those of you who, like me, are bothered by the insane plot holes
The only really bad plot hole I saw was the Narada sitting around for 25 years in the Klingon Neutral Zone seemingly unattended by either side.

I can perfectly accept that Nero would utterly refuse to budge from the area until Spock arrived since he's just that committed... no problem there. It's the Klingons and the rather numbnutty prison planet angle that bothers me, even though it only has a brief mention in the film.

I can see the Klingons unable to destroy the Narada (enough screen evidence for that so no problem) and placing a "watch guard" of those 47 ships on Narada. All is silent for 25 years until Spock appears and then all hell breaks loose. Spock is captured and the Klingon watrchforce decimated as the Narada comes to life after 25 years and heads off to Vulcan to give Spock an afternoon's entertainment.

To me, that makes far more sense than Nero captured and rescued by contrivance either directly before or directly after Spock arrives.
I mean seriously, wtf?
Yeah, the scene got cut, but any way you slice it the plot hole of 25 years, patiently waiting for Spock and the Klingon Neutral Zone are still present.
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Old 05-10-2009, 10:52 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Saint View Post
For those of you who, like me, are bothered by the insane plot holes and (unacceptably) bad science, here's your chance to rewrite the scenes featuring them.

Think you could have done Star Trek better? I do. And I'm willing to put my keyboard where my mouth is. (Ugh, tastes like chicken!)

Here's Spock's mind-meld monologue, rewritten:

Spock: "Romulus's sun was dying. The newly re-formed Senate consulted their best minds -- they could conceive of no solution other than evacuation. But the Romulans are a proud people. Many, too many, refused to leave their homeworld to be scattered across colonies. I felt for them, Jim. I wanted to help them. With a team of their world's best scientists, I devised a device that we hoped would accelerate the reactions within their sun, to... rekindle its fire, to use a metaphor. We... succeeded. The star's reactions accelerated out of control. Within a week, the solar activity had wreaked havoc on the atmosphere of Romulus. The tides rose. Volcanic and seismic activity tore the surface of the planet apart. Your God is said to have created a planet in six days. Jim... I destroyed one in seven. And now I must pay."

Wordy, but not much more so than the original.
I thought the last two lines were corny. Other than that either the film or your rewrite would do well.
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