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Old 08-05-2008, 05:15 AM
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Default More Renakes To Be Piled On Us In The Next Few Years!

Unbelivable!

The Shadow
The 1994 big screen version of Walter B. Gibson’s legendary pulp creation was originally set to be directed by Joe Dante. Russell Mulcahy replaced him and Alec Baldwin starred as Lamont Cranston. Even without Dante’s stylish touch it was a fairly enjoyable ride. Sam Raimi is producing the remake. The project is at the screenplay stage right now and due to be released in 2010.
Starfighter
Nick Castle’s cult favorite The Last Starfighter (1984) tells the story of a young video game fanatic magically transported inside his favorite pasttime. Castle is once again set to direct and the project is scheduled for a 2010 release. Let’s hope that Castle knows too much and will avoid any psycho funny games.
The Evil Dead
Before running out of ideas, Sam Raimi represented the cutting edge. Along came a spider, man, and after years of infecting audiences with sequelitis (as well as producing several American versions of Japanese horror films), his name is attached to the remake of his ultra low budget masterwork. Raimi will write the script that both he and Bruce Campbell will produce.
Knight Rider
Now that the Weinstein Company has helped Martin Scorsese commandeer his way to an Oscar, it’s time they turned their attention to loftier matters with a big screen blow up of the David Hassellhoff talking car TV series. The show’s creator, Glen A. Larson is hard at work on the screenplay. Expect a release around 2010/11.
Death Wish
With signature characters Rocky and Rambo already re-introduced to a new generation of grateful young cinephiles, Sylvester Stallone borrows a chapter from Charles Bronson’s Cannon Film’s canon for his next action-packed benefaction. With Michal Winner as your inspiration, the only way to go is up. Production is planned to commence later this year.
Conan The Barbarian
Here is another one that should be right up Stallones’ alley because there is no way in hell that Gov. Arnold will return. Sahara screenwriters Thomas Dean Donnelly and Joshua Oppenheimer are typing their hearts out on a remake of John Milius’ entertaining 1982 adventure yarn.
Logan’s Run
Who better to remake a sci-fi epic that looked like it was set in a shopping mall than consumer-pleasing producer Joel Silver?
The Taking Of Pelham 123
In the thirty-plus years since the release of Jack Smight’s The Taking of Pelham One Two Three, CGI has taken us places never before imaginable, overwhelming contemporary audiences’ imaginations to the point where a mundane subway hijacking can barely pass as blockbuster entertainment. I fear the change of words to numbers in the film’s title is a sign that the most underrated action thriller of the 70s is about to get the dumbed-down Tony Scott treatment. Spielberg gagman David Koepp wrote the script and Denzel Washington and John Travolta play the roles originally created by Walter Matthau and Robert Shaw. It opens in Autumn of 2009.

Fahrenheit 451
Not my favorite Francois Truffaut film, I was curious to see who was involved with the remake. Frank Darabont (Shawshank Redemption) will direct and Tom Hanks is being hinted at to star. Next…
Friday The 13th
Jesus Christ, they’ve already Xeroxed this film nine times with the last installment promising Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday. Enough already! Marcus Nispel, the guy responsible for The Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake, will direct and Sean Cunningham (the film’s original “director”) and scurvy Michael Bay will act as producers. It opens in February of 2009.
Last House On The Left
After a trio of worthless Rings epics and an appearance for the equally contemptible (albeit smaller-budgeted) Kevin Smith, it seemed as though Liv Tyler couldn’t sink much lower. Throw the poor girl a shovel. She has been rumored to star in the remake of this characteristic Wes Craven turd due to start filming next month.
Hellraiser
Two writer/directors (Alexandre Bustillo & Julien Maury) have been assigned the unenviable chore of remaking Clive Barker’s horror original starring (and aimed at the mentality of a) Pinead. No talk yet of whether Doug Bradley will return as the pincushion man. It opens next January.
TRON
How appropriate that the first feature ever to extensively incorporate shaded, computer-generated 3D images be given an electronic facelift? (In 1982, many veteran Disney animators refused to work on the project for fear that the new technology would render their artistry obsolete. It took 22 years before the studio eventually decided to put an end to hand-drawn animation.) TRON is in development and due to make a return in 2010.
Clash of the Titans
Even with Ray Harryhausen’s spectacular visual effects, the 1981 version is tough to sit through. As for the remake, Stephen Norrington (Blade, League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen) will direct a screenplay written by Lawrence Kasdan. It is slated for a 2010 release.
The Birds
Martin Campbell (Casino Royale) will direct and Michael Bay will produce the unthinkable.
Frankenweenie
Tim Burton ran out of ideas just after Ed Wood so it’s only logical for him to expand his 1984 animated short to feature length proportions. Burton will write and direct the film scheduled for a 2009 debut.
A Nightmare On Elm Street
Will CGI help to improve upon Freddie’s nightmares? Once again we have producer/dullard Michael Bay to thank.
Westworld
Michael Crichton’s forerunner to Jurassic Park made for enjoyable kiddie fare in 1973. This time, Billy Ray (The Color of Night, Breach) has the screenwriting duties with Jerry Weintraub producing. Look for it in 2009.
The Warriors
Once schlockmeister Tony Scott gets finished bowdlerizing The Taking Of Pelham One Two Three, he’ll set his sites on Coney Island for a remake of Walter Hill’s balletic street gang masterpiece. Still in development, no release date has been assigned.
Piranha
Joe Dante and John Sayles’ satirical response to Jaws was one of Roger Corman’s New World Pictures’ most delightful contrivances. Alexandra Aja, who also remade The Hills Have Eyes is directing and this time they’re talking 3D!
Escape From New York
John Carpenter changed the venue to L. A. for his 1986 sequel. It should have been the definitive statement, but, no, Terminator 3 director Jonathan Mostow and Ken Nolan are working on a script. No word if Mostow will direct, but a 2009 release is likely.
Meatballs
Don’t expect to see Bill Murray’s name attached to this remake of his 1979 box office smash. They must have a lot of faith in this project: John Whitesell (of Big Momma’s House 2 fame) isset to direct.
Metropolis
Former R.W. Fassbinder producer Thomas Schuehly is teaming with producer Mario Kassar on an updated version of Fritz Lang’s visionary masterwork. An “original” version has not existed since 1927. One of the most expensive films ever made, adjusting for inflation were the film made today, it would cost $200 million.
Howard Stern’s Porky’s
Howard has been promising (threatening?) a remake of Bob Clark’s 80s juvenile tit comedy (and Rock ‘n’ Roll High School, too) for almost a decade. It is supposed to finally see the xenon light of day in 2009.
Short Circuit
Isn’t one remake every two years enough? After seeing a display standee for this summer’s Pixar offering WALL-E, I thought for certain that it was a remake of Short Circuit. The bad news is that not only will there be an official remake, but the film’s original screenwriters are coming back.
Straw Dogs
A remake of Sam Peckinpah’s paean to rape has been optioned and there is talk of Rod Lurie helming.
The Dirty Dozen
Next to Metropolis and The Birds, the most indefensible title on the list. Let’s pray that Adam Sandler is already booked otherwise they’ll do to this what they did to Robert Aldrich’s other macho masterstroke The Longest Yard. Veteran TV scribe Josh Applebaum (Alias)drew the short straw. This should hit the multiplexes in 2010.
Footloose
If you’re going to remake bad musicals this is a terrific starting point. Yes, I Can’t See You jokes, “The 80s musical could be coming back to life if director Kenny Ortega has anything to do with it. That said, given he directed High School Musical and its spin-offs, he’d probably be allowed to do anything he wanted in Hollywood right now.”
Dune
Spend the money restoring David Lynch’s original version instead. Actor-turned-director Peter Berg (Very Bad Things, Friday Night Lights) will be calling the shots. Even money this never gets off the ground.
The Thing
They’re remaking remakes. This is the brainchild (aneurysm?) of Battlestar Galactica producer Ronald D Moore.
Near Dark
Maybe this time they’ll get it right by not conveniently playing fast and loose with the vampire legend come the third act. I doubt it. The auteur behind this one is music video director Samuel Bayer. Rumor has it that Kathryn Bigelow (director of the 1987 original) is contributing to the screenplay.
The Swarm
Go ahead and remake it! Blackening the name of Irwin Allen is impossible. Silence Of The Lambs screenwriter Ted Tally will be responsible for all the on-screen buzz. No director or cast have been announced.
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Old 08-05-2008, 06:08 AM
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I wasn't pissed until I saw "The Dirty Dozen" was on the list.

Is it finally agreed that Hollywood is bankrupt of creative thought?

This is why Netflix rules - lots of foreign films about normal looking people who don't explode or take off their clothes every 10 seconds.

Seriously, The Birds too? Who has the cojones to take on the Hitch-man?
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Old 08-05-2008, 06:09 AM
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Originally Posted by jerhanner View Post
I wasn't pissed until I saw "The Dirty Dozen" was on the list.

Is it finally agreed that Hollywood is bankrupt of creative thought?

This is why Netflix rules - lots of foreign films about normal looking people who don't explode or take off their clothes every 10 seconds.

Seriously, The Birds too? Who has the cojones to take on the Hitch-man?
I heard rumors Vertigo is up for remake too.
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Old 08-05-2008, 06:10 AM
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Dear God, I didn't see "Last House on the Left" on the list. Why on EARTH would anyone remake that sick, cruel movie?

Maybe we'll get hit by an asteroid and not have to live through such dark times.
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Old 08-05-2008, 06:11 AM
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We'll all know the remake thing has gone too far when they announce "Birth of a Nation II."

Hope that's not in bad taste. It's certainly not meant to be. It's a not so veiled heavily applied statement about the ''Hollywood machine,'' which finds more financial ''comfort'' in going back to a well, even a dry one, rather than digging for new water. I suspect the unprecedented success of the latest Batman will only fuel this as we endure a deluge of superhero movies that trawl their way all the way down to Mighty Mouse. You just watch....
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Old 08-05-2008, 06:14 AM
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Originally Posted by jerhanner View Post
Dear God, I didn't see "Last House on the Left" on the list. Why on EARTH would anyone remake that sick, cruel movie?

Maybe we'll get hit by an asteroid and not have to live through such dark times.
Any remake of that Wes Craven/Sean Cunningham classic would never stack up. It's perfect the way it is.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Summer Storm Pictures View Post
We'll all know the remake thing has gone too far when they announce "Birth of a Nation II."

Hope that's not in bad taste. It's certainly not meant to be. It's a not so veiled heavily applied statement about the ''Hollywood machine,'' which finds more financial ''comfort'' in going back to a well, even a dry one, rather than digging for new water. I suspect the unprecedented success of the latest Batman will only fuel this as we endure a deluge of superhero movies that trawl their way all the way down to Mighty Mouse. You just watch....
No no offence at all, if they can remake Metropolis, is Birth of a Nation far behind?
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Old 08-05-2008, 06:15 AM
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This is sad really sad, does no one have imagination any more?
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Old 08-05-2008, 09:01 AM
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Conan the Babarian, Escape from NY? Excuse me. The sole idea anyone on this globe could have the talent to make remakes of that should alarm the men with the white jacket.

The only thing on the list I am curious about is The Shadow. I kind of liked the first movie, part of. I hope they dont try to make it a Shadow Begins because the Shadow isnt a "realism" figure. I hope they go the surreal route. Lets see.
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Old 08-05-2008, 09:05 AM
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Originally Posted by Botany Bay View Post
Conan the Babarian, Escape from NY? Excuse me. The sole idea anyone on this globe could have the talent to make remakes of that should alarm the men with the white jacket.

The only thing on the list I am curious about is The Shadow. I kind of liked the first movie, part of. I hope they dont try to make it a Shadow Begins because the Shadow isnt a "realism" figure. I hope they go the surreal route. Lets see.
I agree totally. Conan and Escape should be left alone, they are classics.

I loved The Shadow (1994) movie, having been a Shadow fan all my life. I could relate to Lamont in the film alot, from letting his evil rule him as Niko the Butcher, then controlling it for good as The Shadow. It kept the best elemets of the Radio shows and Pulp Books while making it accessable to a modern audience.

Alot of me in him....
Lamont Cranston: Do you have *any* *idea* who you just kidnapped?
Tulku: Cranston; Lamont Cranston.
Lamont Cranston: You know my real name?
Tulku: Yes. I also know that for as long as you can remember, you struggled against your own black heart and always lost. You watched your sprit, your very face change as the beast claws its way out from within you. You are in great pain, aren't you?
[Cranston leaps at the Tulku, who magically vanishes and reappears]
Tulku: You know what evil lurks in the hearts of men, for you have seen that evil in your own heart. Every man pays a price for redemption; this is yours.
Lamont Cranston: I'm not lookin' for redemption!
Tulku: You have no choice: you *will* be redeemed, because I will teach you to use your black shadow to fight evil.
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Old 08-05-2008, 09:07 AM
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Originally Posted by Zardoz View Post
I agree totally. Conan and Escape should be left alone, they are classics.

I loved The Shadow (1994) movie, having been a Shadow fan all my life. I could relate to Lamont in the film alot, from letting his evil rule him as Niko the Butcher, then controlling it for good as The Shadow. It kept the best elemets of the Radio shows and Pulp Books while making it accessable to a modern audience.
Oh yeah, damn, totally forgot about that. Now I remember why I liked it. Thanks.
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