The Official Star Trek Movie Forum

The Official Star Trek Movie Forum > Star Trek > Star Trek XI: The Movie > Star Trek: Absolution--if the next movie were mine to make
Register FAQ Members List Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #21  
Old 01-13-2010, 06:51 PM
martok2112's Avatar
martok2112 martok2112 is offline
Fleet Admiral
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: River Ridge, LA
Posts: 6,458
Default

-------------------------------
We fade in on Starbase Five, and the Enterprise approaching it.

Kirk orders Uhura to open hailing frequencies. She complies.

"Starbase Five, this is starship Enterprise, ready to beam the ambassador aboard."

"Enterprise, this is Starbase Five actual," comes the reply, "the ambassador will be transporting over via shuttlecraft. Prepare your docking bay for arrival."

"Enterprise confirms. Out." Kirk replies.

Spock raises his eyebrow at the notion that an ambassador would take a shuttle over when a starship is in range to simply beam him over. Kirk orders the shuttle bay to prepare for incoming craft.

McCoy grins: "Doesn't like to use transporters either? I like him already."

Kirk directs McCoy and Spock to meet him outside the hangar in 20 minutes, in dress uniform.

"I take it back," McCoy mutters to himself, "I don't like him."

INT. U.S.S. ENTERPRISE --CORRIDOR OUTSIDE HANGAR DECK

Kirk and Spock are outside the main entrance to the hangar bay. McCoy joins them a moment later.

"Did I mention how much I hate dress uniforms? Stiff and itchy." McCoy asks. "I'm a doctor, not an honor guard."

Kirk chuckles, and Spock merely looks to the door.

EXT. SPACE-- The shuttlecraft speeds over from Starbase Five toward the Enterprise. Approach protocols are exchanged between the shuttle, and Enterprise bay control. In moments, the shuttle lands safely aboard the Federation flagship.

INT. U.S.S. ENTERPRISE-- CORRIDOR OUTSIDE HANGAR DECK

Kirk is informed that the shuttle has arrived, and the bay is now pressurized. He motions to Spock and McCoy to follow him into the bay. They stop just a few meters short of the transport craft, and the shuttle's hatch opens. Thru it steps an older gentleman, around his late 50's, dressed in simple ambassadorial garb.

Before he steps off the shuttle, he addresses Kirk: "Permission to come aboard, Captain?" His voice has just a hint of southern gentleman. McCoy notices this, wondering where the ambassador hails from.

Kirk smiles: "Permission granted. James T. Kirk, commanding. My first officer, Mr. Spock, and ship's chief medical officer, Dr. Leonard McCoy."

Spock and McCoy nod to the ambassador, who steps off the shuttle and onto the deck itself. He bends his knees slightly, bouncing, taking in the feel of the Enterprise beneath his feet. He extends a hand to Kirk. "Ernest Hatfield, Captain. It's a pleasure to meet you."

McCoy represses a desire to roll his eyes in disbelief.

"Your presence honors us, Ambassador." Kirk replies, taking the proffered hand, and shaking it.

"Aw, hell, son, drop the honorifics and stuff. Just call me Ernest, or Ernie, if you prefer." He looks at the uniforms of the greeting party, "And ya' didn't need to wear any fancy schmancy uniforms on my account...protocols and regs be damned."

Kirk grins knowingly, taking a moment to continue the ice breaking: "Err...you and Dr. McCoy aren't going to get into any scraps on my ship now, are you, Mr. Hatfield."

Without missing a beat, Hatfield looks over at McCoy, and puts up his dukes. "McCoy, eh? I figured something smelled a might out of place when that hatch opened."

McCoy takes up a similar posture: "Them's fightin' words, Hatfield." The two circle each other menacingly for a moment.

Spock watches in confusion. "Jim," he says discretely, "hostilities between officers and honored ambassadors are not only against regulations, but patently illogical. Also, neither knows the other, and yet they are openly aggressive, just by name recognition."

"Watch and learn, my friend," Kirk simply says, continuing to grin.

A few seconds later, Hatfield and McCoy stop for a good laugh, and shake each other's hands.

"Where you from, Ernest?" McCoy asks as they walk into the Enterprise's corridors. "Your accent says maybe West Virginia or Kentucky."

"Oh, my family's from Charleston, West Virginia, but I was born on Alpha Centauri." Ernie replies. "Don't know how I kept the accent though."

Everyone (except Spock of course) chuckles. Kirk then stops at a wall communicator, and presses the signal button. "Bridge, Mr. Sulu, the ambassador is safely aboard. Take us to the neutral zone Diplomatic Station, best speed."

"Aye, sir," comes the reply.

------------------

more to follow
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 01-14-2010, 08:54 AM
martok2112's Avatar
martok2112 martok2112 is offline
Fleet Admiral
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: River Ridge, LA
Posts: 6,458
Default

EXT. SPACE--

We fade into the emptiness of deep space. The U.S.S. Enterprise booms in out of warp and proceeds toward the diplomatic station in the Federation/Romulan Neutral Zone. In orbit around the station lies a Romulan war cruiser, which now brings its fore to bear on the approaching Federation starship. The image of a gigantic bird is emblazoned on the belly of the ship's hull.


INT. U.S.S. ENTERPRISE--BRIDGE:

On the bridge of the mighty Enterprise, Ambassador Hatfield has stepped through the turbolift, accompanied by a security officer.

Spock reports first. "Captain, the war cruiser is bringing its weapons to bear on us."

Mr. Sulu speaks tentatively: "Shall we raise our shields, sir?"

Kirk speaks calmly: "What's their power status, Mr. Spock?"

Spock replies: "They have neither raised shields, nor armed weapons."

Kirk assesses with a slight grin: "It's a test."

Hatfield nods. "It's a test alright, Captain. They like to see how nervy you'll get. It's always that way with the Romulans. If you're provoked, well hell, now that's an act o' war, isn't it? On their own home territory." He sneers. "Hell, I'd spit if I could."

"You find no comfort in speaking with Romulans?" Spock asks.

Hatfield answers that they can often be a manipulative bunch, and that every negotiation with them is literally a chess game. Since this is an information exchange, it's likely to be a little less stuffy. "But only a little less so," he finishes.

"Ve're in range to beam ze embessador over, Keptin," Chekov reports.

"Nah," Hatfield snorts, stating that he'll take his own shuttle. Spock states that a transporter would be much more efficient a use of time. Hatfield replies with a chuckle that he prefers the journey of a shuttlecraft, as opposed to the blink of a transporter. "Besides, my right leg hurts everytime I finish using one o' them damned zappers."

"Ze Romulans may find use of an excursion wehicle to be slightly prowocative, Mr. Embessador," Chekov points out.

"Let 'em sweat it a bit, son," Hatfield replies with a reassuring grin. " 'sides, I've done it before."

Uhura reports that they are being hailed. Kirk orders the communication on screen.

"Federation commander," begins the stern looking Romulan as he flashes onto the forward viewport/main screen, "traditionally it is the approaching vessel who hails the awaiting party. Or have you not been briefed on diplomatic etiquette and protocol?"

Kirk makes his most charming grin: "It's our first date."

Clearly the Romulan recognizes Kirk's ice-breaking humor, and chuckles mildly, stating that Kirk might wish to, as humans might put it, "brush up" on his diplomacy skills. Kirk nods, answering with thanks for the Romulan officer's "advice", and then informs the officer that the Federation ambassador is ready to transport over via shuttlecraft. The Romulan answers that everyone's time is limited here, and that a shuttlecraft would be a waste on some valuable time.

"I promise we'll step on it, son," Hatfield says.

The Romulan officer's attention is momentarily called away from the screen, then he nods and returns his focus back to the viewer. He says that it is observed that Spock is among the crew, and that a request has been made for Mr. Spock to accompany the ambassador.

Kirk looks tentatively back at Spock, who, despite his cool demeanor, Kirk can sense apprehension through his silence.

"It's only a request, Spock," Kirk advises. "You can, of course, deny such a request."

"We can assure you that Spock will find it well worth his presence," the officer adds to the previous invitation.

Spock stands up, straightening his tunic, and looks stone-faced at the Romulan officer's image: "It would be my honor, sir."

EXT. SPACE-- The ambassador's shuttle craft moves swiftly between the Enterprise and the diplomatic station.

INT. DIPLOMATIC STATION RECEIVING CORRIDOR--

Four Romulans, three of whom are dressed in more elaborate ambassadorial robes, greet Ambassador Hatfield and Spock. Traditional pleasantries are exchanged, and Hatfield is invited to join the Romulan ambassadors further down the hall. Before they move off, the senior Romulan ambassador nods to the fourth person, a young Romulan aide. As the diplomatic group moves toward the meeting room, the aide remains, stepping toward Spock. Spock regards him as dispassionately as any other person he meets.

The young aide notes Spock's rank stripes on his uniform sleeve, and then speaks: "Commander Spock, I am Adjunct Nanclus. The ambassador regrets that he may not speak with you in person, due to the limited time we have here."

Spock simply nods wordlessly.

"Spock, we are ashamed of what has happened to you and your people," Nanclus begins. "We have been made aware of what had occurred a couple of years ago, and some of the circumstances which precipitated it. The Romulan government wishes you, and all Vulcans to know that the --attrocity-- which took the lives of so many of your people-- shocks many of us to our core. We are, after all, distant brothers. The Praetor himself, despite our occasional hostilities with the Federation, would never sanction the obliteration of an entire planet, nor would he condone genocide. We know that an apology will never be enough, but it is our hope that it will be a beginning."

Spock stares at Nanclus, his features softening toward something which could be described as a conveyance of gratitude.


---------------------

more to follow
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 01-14-2010, 10:51 AM
NCC_1701A's Avatar
NCC_1701A NCC_1701A is offline
Lieutenant, Junior Grade
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 243
Default

Ah, Nanclus. I'm sure he wouldn't be up to anything.
__________________
And thats my opinion. (Disclaimer) My opinion's should always be regarded as facts.
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 01-14-2010, 10:57 AM
NCC_1701A's Avatar
NCC_1701A NCC_1701A is offline
Lieutenant, Junior Grade
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 243
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by OneBuckFilms View Post
The Enterprise was intitially a "Starship Class" vessel, then this changed to an "Enterprise Class" vessel according to the dedication plague.

The idea of the Enterprise being a "Federation Battle Cruiser" is a colloquial term Klingons would use to describing an armed opposing vessel.
I figured the Klingons identified it as a battle crusier because it was equivalent to one in regards to it's combat ability. Incidentally, in the same movie, a display panel on the Enterprise identified the Enterprise as a heavy crusier.
__________________
And thats my opinion. (Disclaimer) My opinion's should always be regarded as facts.
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 01-15-2010, 09:40 AM
martok2112's Avatar
martok2112 martok2112 is offline
Fleet Admiral
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: River Ridge, LA
Posts: 6,458
Default

BTW, don't worry, the story's not over....far from.
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 01-16-2010, 09:45 AM
martok2112's Avatar
martok2112 martok2112 is offline
Fleet Admiral
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: River Ridge, LA
Posts: 6,458
Default

EXT. SPACE-- U.S.S. ENTERPRISE AT WARP

Kirk makes another log entry. "Captain's Log: Stardate 2260.12-- With information exchanged between the Federation and the Romulan Star Empire, our diplomatic mission, short as it was, is accomplished. The Enterprise is now enroute at maximum warp to the Mutara sector to stand guard for space laboratory Regula I."

INT. U.S.S. ENTERPRISE-- CONFERENCE LOUNGE

Kirk, Spock, McCoy, and Ensign Chekov sit at a rounded table, looking at a holographic display in the center of the table. The image depicts the Regula I space station orbiting what appears to be a moon. A gigantic and beautiful nebula sits in the distance.

"Regula I is a class II scientific research laboratory," Spock begins.

"Plennetary obserwation," Chekov replies.

"Well done, Mr. Chekov," Spock comments with a nod. "Indeed, the station is monitoring and conducting experiments on the moon of Regula, which is class D. A very unremarkable rock in space. I cannot get further specifics on Regula I's mission, since Starfleet is unwilling to send such details, even via encrypted communications. What I can glean from the sparse data is that the station is involved in some kind of terraforming experiment."

"Yes, but terraforming would have to inwolve a plennet vith some semblance of an etmosphere," Chekov counters. "If Regula is a dead rock as you describe, Mr. Spock, vould not such an endeawor be fruitless?"

"In more ways than one," McCoy replies with a grin.

"An interesting choice of words, Mr. Chekov," Spock notes, "but you are correct. The best one can hope for with a moon like Regula would be to establish pressure domes on the surface. There is nothing on Regula to support our current level of terraforming technology, so there may be more to Regula I's mission than simple terraforming, since that endeavor would, as Mr. Chekov so colorfully put it, be fruitless."

Kirk chimes in, "Regula I is on the edge of Klingon space. Probably the only thing seeming to obscure the station from Klingon sensors would appear to be the Mutara nebula. However, according to Admiral Pike, the Klingons have been braving the nebula to conduct short range recon of the Mutara sector. It'd only be a matter of time before the station is discovered. Our mission, gentlemen, is to stand solitary guard, since most of our other ships are still engaged in Laurentia."

"Two damned years we've been maintaining a stalemate there, Jim," McCoy says. "Something's gotta give sooner or later. Much as I'm vomitously opposed to war, I don't see why we're not on the front lines."

"One starship would make no difference, Doctor," Spock points out. "Our remaining fleet is sparsely scattered throughout Federation space, serving as the last lines of defense, should the Klingons succeed in breaking the stalemate."

"Well then why in the hell are we being sent to Regula?!" McCoy asks irascibly. "Shouldn't we be back on patrol?"

"We were the closest ship for the assignment at hand, Bones," Kirk replies.

"Regula I is clearly of some importance then, sirs," Chekov speculates, "if ze Enterprise is being diwerted to guard it."

Spock nods his approval at Chekov's assessment.

The intercom whistles for attention. Kirk touches the call button on the table in front of him. "Kirk here."

Sulu's voice sounds over the intercom. "We're approaching Regula, and space lab Regula I, sir."

"Drop to impulse, Mr. Sulu." Kirk orders. "Take us in."

"Aye, sir. Sulu, out."

"Stations please, gentlemen," Kirk orders.

The group gets up to return to the bridge, and McCoy heads out to sickbay. Chekov eagerly moves off, and Spock gently stops Jim at the door.

"What's on your mind, Spock?"

"Mr. Chekov is indeed a fine young officer," Spock notes. "He has a most analytical mind, especially for a human so young. I believe he will be a considerable asset. As humans might say....'Keep your eye in him' . "

"It certainly hasn't escaped my notice, Mr. Spock," Kirk replies. "I appreciate your input. High praise, certainly."

"I speak only the truth, Jim."

Kirk and Spock step into the bridge of the Enterprise, and on the forward viewport looms the dead moon, Regula, namesake of the space station that sits in orbit. The captain orders Uhura to open low wave hailing frequencies, and he announces the Enterprise's arrival to the space station.

"This is space laboratory Regula I. Dr. Mohandas Baktevidantaran, speaking," comes the friendly voice. "We welcome you to our facility with great thanks, Enterprise."

"We are preparing to beam a security detail aboard, Dr. Baktev---Bakta---" Kirk stammers, trying to remember how to pronounce the Indian scientist's last name.

"Just call me Dr. Bak," comes the laugh infused reply. "Most everyone else does."

"Very well, Dr. Bak," Kirk calls back in relief. "Please stand by to receive our landing party."

"We look forward to meeting you, Captain Kirk. Baktevidantaran, out."

"Uhura," Kirk says as he turns toward her, "give me inter-ship." Uhura nods that the internal ship's communications system is set for public address. "This is the captain. We have arrived at Regula I. Our mission here is to provide security and a means of defense for the unarmed space lab. All decks, yellow alert. Security details one, two, three, and Dr. McCoy meet me in transporter room one, and prepare to disembark. Kirk, out." He then nods to Mr. Spock who accompanies him. "Mr. Sulu, you have the conn."

INT. U.S.S. ENTERPRISE--TRANSPORTER ROOM ONE:

Kirk, Spock, and the assigned security teams are waiting in the transporter room. Dr. McCoy arrives a few seconds later, checking his medical pack one more time. He then looks at the transporter pad in apprehension.

"I'm really none too fond of the idea of gettin' my bits and pieces shattered, scattered, and--" McCoy begins.

"Splattered?" Kirk eggs with a slight grin.

"You ain't helpin', Jim." McCoy rolls his eyes.

With a quiet humor, Kirk leans closer to speak discretely to his doctor. "You hate shuttlecraft, despise transporters. Tell me again, why did you join Starfleet?"

"Kiss my country ***, Jim." McCoy retorts, stifling a grin.

"That's what I thought," Kirk smiles back.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

more to follow
__________________


Last edited by martok2112 : 01-17-2010 at 07:42 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 01-17-2010, 07:46 AM
martok2112's Avatar
martok2112 martok2112 is offline
Fleet Admiral
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: River Ridge, LA
Posts: 6,458
Default

BTW, if anyone's still interested in the story, the treatment is now at 16 pages. If this were written out in full novelization format, with full dialogue, I'd probably looking at a pretty long book already.
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 01-18-2010, 05:40 AM
Pauln6's Avatar
Pauln6 Pauln6 is offline
Lieutenant
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 476
Default

Very entertaining. My only criticism so far is the absence of Janice Rand. If there is to be any hope of equalising the male/female imbalance in TOS era you need to make use of the women you have as well as have an imbalance in favour of women in the supporting guest cast. Janice is a gold mine that is rarely used in much more than a cameo but she was Kirk's gal Friday with a legitimate excuse to be at his side at any time, she had a sense of humour, she was mobile i.e. not stuck on communications or sickbay, she has an established portfolio of functional (tricorder recording and admin) and technical skills (communications and transporters) and with a modern make-over she can be a security trained asset on any landing party. I'd love to see her as a bit trigger-happy and over-protective of her captain, especially from bikini-clan alien women.
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 01-18-2010, 06:57 AM
martok2112's Avatar
martok2112 martok2112 is offline
Fleet Admiral
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: River Ridge, LA
Posts: 6,458
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pauln6 View Post
Very entertaining. My only criticism so far is the absence of Janice Rand. If there is to be any hope of equalising the male/female imbalance in TOS era you need to make use of the women you have as well as have an imbalance in favour of women in the supporting guest cast. Janice is a gold mine that is rarely used in much more than a cameo but she was Kirk's gal Friday with a legitimate excuse to be at his side at any time, she had a sense of humour, she was mobile i.e. not stuck on communications or sickbay, she has an established portfolio of functional (tricorder recording and admin) and technical skills (communications and transporters) and with a modern make-over she can be a security trained asset on any landing party. I'd love to see her as a bit trigger-happy and over-protective of her captain, especially from bikini-clan alien women.
Thanks, Pauln6. I'm glad you like it so far. I do plan on trying to reintroduce as many TOS characters as feasible for this story, and yeah, Rand was definitely among that list. I just want to make sure I give her a good introduction.
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #30  
Old 01-18-2010, 07:38 AM
Pauln6's Avatar
Pauln6 Pauln6 is offline
Lieutenant
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 476
Default

Trying to get Kirk to look at her legs maybe...
Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 02:06 AM.


Forum theme courtesy of Mark Lambert
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright © 2009 by Paramount Pictures. STAR TREK and all related
marks and logos are trademarks of CBS Studios Inc. All Rights Reserved.