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Old 01-12-2010, 03:09 PM
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Default Star Trek: Absolution--if the next movie were mine to make

Hi, folks,


Since I had such a positive reaction to my little "For a good laugh--" thread, and since some folks wondered if I would go any more with this, I decided to go ahead and start doing a treatment of the next Trek film, if it were mine to make.

The title is "Star Trek: Absolution".

Now, this is only the first few moments of the story, building up to the opening title, just like the first movie did....please don't judge it wholesale just on the opening moments alone....more is on the way.

I changed up the format of my initial "for a laugh" script so that it reads along more smoothly with the excerpts that follow.

With that said, the following posts will be my treatment for Star Trek: Absolution.... I hope you enjoy.

Humbly and respectfully,
Martok2112
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Old 01-12-2010, 03:13 PM
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Treatment for:

STAR TREK: Absolution


Written by: Stephen E. Dunlap
Based upon "Star Trek" created by Gene Roddenberry, and reimagined by Robert Orci, Alex Kurzman, and J.J. Abrams


STARFLEET ACADEMY--INT--DAYTIME:
An assembly of cadets, commissioned officers, and the Admiralty of Starfleet celebrates the saving of Earth and the Federation. Before the Commandant of the Academy, James T. Kirk stands.

He has just received a medal for his actions, and is ordered to report to Admiral Pike and be his relief to assume command of the USS Enterprise.

Kirk stops just before Pike, who is seated in a wheelchair, no doubt a precautionary measure after his almost traumatic encounter with Nero.

"I relieve you, sir," Kirk reports.

Admiral Pike smiles, "I am relieved." Pike extends a hand to the youngest captain ever to command a starship..."Your father would be proud," he adds.

Kirk shakes Pike's hand, and then turns to receive the applause and adoration of his peers, and his new subordinates.

U.S.S. ENTERPRISE--INT. BRIDGE:

Sulu, Chekov, and Uhura give reports to the incoming Kirk, who has just now stepped onto the bridge, proudly wearing the uniform of a Starfleet Captain. He acknowleges the reports with a smile.

"Bones...." Kirk says as he he walks toward Dr. Leonard McCoy, and claps his friend on the shoulder, "buckle up.

McCoy gives a disbelieving smile as his friend passes him by to get to the command seat.

Spock enters the bridge from the portside turboshaft in his usual Vulcan demeanor.

"Jim," he says.

Kirk smiles, oblivious to the fact that Spock has abandoned protocol by calling Kirk familiar. "Spock?" he asks.

Spock simply repeats himself, albeit a little more urgently: "Jim."

Captain Kirk's smile only slightly diminishes as he replies: "Yes, that's my name, please don't wear it out...."

Spock repeats himself once more, with great emphasis: "Jim!"

Kirk rises up in his seat, clearly furious at Spock's inability to continue beyond his one word conversation starter...


STARFLEET ACADEMY DORMS--INT. Daybreak--

Kirk shoots up into a sitting position in his bed, clearly having been disturbed from a good night's sleep, and a rather nice dream....

"WWHHAAAAAAAATTTTT???!!!!!" he screams into the air. Kirk then looks up at the man standing before his bunk, and comes to a slow realization. "You're not Spock."

Standing before Kirk is McCoy, who looks rather stunned at Kirk's jarred and confused awakening.

"Nice dream, Jim?" McCoy inquires.

Kirk gives a contemptible smirk and grin.

"Jim, we have to get going." McCoy urges him.

"Going....where?" Kirk asks. "And would it be a bit much if on....oh, I dunno, a rare occasion....someone actually calls me...oh...I dunno....CAPTAIN?!"

McCoy whistles in disbelief: "Wow...that must've been a really good dream." He stands Kirk up, and then throws him his cadet uniform top. "C'mon, we have to get to the Academy Board Inquiry."

Kirk, still somewhat groggy, looks down at his cadet uniform with incredulity. He responds as if something is amiss. "What inquiry? And What is this?" He looks at McCoy almost with accusation.

"Your uniform, Jim."

Consciousness definitely seems to elude Kirk. "But, this isn't right."

McCoy is nigh exasperated. "Dammit, Jim, I'm a medical cadet, not a philosopher. I don't know what's gotten into you, but you'd better hurry...you're the star attraction at today's circus, and I don't think the crowd is the kind that likes to be kept waiting."

Reluctantly, Kirk puts on his misgiven uniform top, when suddenly, seemingly from out of nowhere, a female cadet's miniskirt hits him in the face. He pulls the miniskirt off, startled, indignant and confused. "What the hell?!"



McCoy represses a bemused laugh. "Ummm....yeah....you might wanna return that to the cadet you were "studying" with last night."

Kirk breathes a sigh of relief. "Well, at least that much reality has asserted itself."


STARFLEET ACADEMY GROUNDS--EXT. EARLY MORNING

Kirk and McCoy move briskly to the Assembly Hall. They pass up Cadet Uhura, who is also making her way to the hall.

Uhura has a look on her face that would require close examination to note that it isn't a self-satisfied smile: "You really screwed up, Captain."

Kirk looks back in astonishment at Uhura, and then back at Bones, shaking his head. "Well, it definitely wasn't her."

"Her, who?" McCoy asks.

Kirk replies, still in disbelief at the current scenario: "The cadet I was studying with last night."

McCoy shakes his head in disbelief.

STARFLEET ACADEMY ASSEMBLY HALL--INT. EARLY MORNING
Cadets and Starfleet officers alike are gathered in a gigantic assembly hall, many of them curious at what to make of this meeting. Others are far more in the know.

The Commandant, speaking in his most formal tone, says: "This assembly has been called to address a most disturbing issue. James T. Kirk, will you step forward please?"

Kirk looks at McCoy in disbelief and fatalistic recognition, and then steps down to the podium on the starboard side of the floor.

The Commandant continues: "Cadet Kirk, you are accused of altering a major Starfleet test to produce an outcome that quite frankly never should've happened. In academic vernacular, you cheated. Do you have anything to say for yourself before judgment is passed?"

That sense of fatalistic recognition that has been plaguing Kirk has now evolved into a genuine case of Deja Vu. Kirk tentatively replies: "I--believe I have the right to face my accuser directly--, sir?"

The Commandant nods to another figure among the assembled cadets...this one, clearly a commissioned officer of Vulcan descent. The Commandant introduces the emotionless arrival to Kirk, and to the assembly.

"Cadet Kirk, this is Commander Spock, one of our most distinguished graduates, and the man who has programmed the Kobayashi Maru scenario for the last four years. Commander?"

Spock stops right before Kirk, looking cold and emotionless. Kirk eyeballs Spock in the same disbelief he seems to have been burdened with all morning.

"Spock?" he asks.

Spock raises an eyebrow and replies with indifference: "That's Commander Spock, or sir, to you, Cadet."

The same question that Kirk has been asking since he was awakened from his wonderous slumber arises once more: What the hell? He openly replies to Spock with: "Sir?"

Spock, still maintaining his straight laced demeanor, speaks up calmly: "You ruined my test." and then raises a phaser to Kirk's head.



Kirk staggers back in shock and terror: "What the he--?!!!"

SPOCK fires and Kirk sees a bright flash of white light--


INT. CAPTAIN'S QUARTERS, U.S.S. ENTERPRISE--APPARENTLY MORNING

--and falls out of his bunk onto the floor and scrambles to his feet, looking around at his surroundings. After his confusion fades away, he comes to the realization that THIS is the proper reality. Did he just have a dream within a dream?

He picks up his Captain's tunic, feels it and tosses it around in his hands. It seems to feel real enough to him.


U.S.S. ENTERPRISE CORRIDOR--INT:
Commander Spock, Kirk's new First Officer and Science Officer, is walking from the opposite end of the corridor, and notices Jim leaving his quarters.

Spock greets him with a nod: "Good morning, Captain."

KIRK, looking rather relieved, closes his eyes for a brief second, and then replies: " 'morning, Spock." He then visually appraises his new first officer with a grin: "Ya' know, you've got a real mean streak to you, my friend." He then claps Spock on the shoulder and walks to the bridge.

Spock merely looks back at his captain, with the quizzical raised eyebrow. He feels he may never understand humans.
----------------------
more to follow
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Old 01-12-2010, 03:13 PM
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EXT. SPACE--LAURENTIAN SYSTEM-- The Abkurzci Nebula

Stardate 2260.03

A lone, and heavilly damaged Federation starship, the U.S.S. Vasquez, waits in a giant debris field, nested within the Abkurzci Nebula. It is the hope of the surviving crew aboard the batterred vessel that their adversaries, as yet unmentioned, will somehow manage to overlook them due to the general chaos that the nebula would play with sensors, including their own. The captain of the ship, Michael Riker, bloodied in the forehead, apparently resulting from being flung out of his seat during combat, surveys his bridge crew who, despite their shaken and embattled appearance, continue to perform their duties bravely.

"Captain's Log: Stardate Two two six zero point zero three. Michael Riker reporting. It was a devastating ambush. We had received what appeared to be a distress signal from the U.S.S. Entente. My squadron, which consisted of the starships Savoy, Repulse, and the medical cruiser Sam Houston proceeded to the coordinates of the distress signal, after careful authentication of the signal's origin, and the identity of the sender. Unfortunately, despite the genuine protocol of the distress call, we discovered, too late, that it was a trap. Our enemies swarmed us. The scout ship Savoy was obliterated in mere seconds, and heavy cruiser Repulse was fated shortly after. Despite our best efforts to defend her escape, the Sam Houston also perished with all hands aboard. With no choice but to withdraw, this battleship, the Vasquez, has suffered extensive damage. Our warp nacelles were severely damaged, but we were able to make a very risky jump into the Abkurzci Nebula before they completely failed. We are barely able to make impulse speeds. The advantages of the Abkurzci Nebula are that we are effectively shielded from open space sensor sweeps, however this also renders us blind. We are in the midst of an asteroid field, expertly navigated by our helm and nav team. The additional interference from the debris field adds further benefit to our desperate camouflage, but also handicaps us even greater....to the degree that this safe haven has become more of a danger to our systems. We will have to move out very soon, in the hopes that open space will allow us to continue our repairs unfettered by interference. The crew are performing in the highest traditions of Starfleet despite our situation, and I intend to recommend them all for special commendation. This will be noted as addendum in the log buoy."

Riker orders an update on the damage report. Engineering reports that there is no hope for the warp nacelles. The Vasquez will have to undergo drydock time, assuming that they manage to make it back to a starbase. Warp speed will be impossible. The warp core itself is heavily damaged, but can be brought back online in a few more hours to provide main power, and take the strain off the impulse engines, but it will be a tricky proposition. Life support is just holding on, but could conceivably give out before main warp power is restored. A special team has been dispatched to maintain the threadbare functionality of the life support system. They are also attempting to make more solid patchwork of the threatened subsystem.

"Don't be surprised though, Captain, if we have to go to suits to continue on," the engineer reports, "but of course, that will only provide us with just a few more hours. Our only hope then would be that another Federation starship, or any friendly vessel, would find us. We will need to get out of this debris field, and this nebula very soon."

Riker thanks him for the update, and turns to his communications officer, Lt. Gaila, the lovely young Orion whom we saw Kirk "charming" back in the first film. She has suffered a few bruises, and appears as shaken as any other crewmember on the bridge, but she seems to be functioning admirably. He orders Gaila to prepare the log buoy for launch.

The lights dim ominously aboard the Vasquez, and after what seems like a brief eternity, come back to life, but only at half-illumination.

"Whoa!" exclaims the helmsman, Lt. Densmore.

The engineer reports back to Riker that the interferences in the debris field, compounded with the static discharge from the Abkurzci Nebula, has started to wreak merry havoc with an array of ship's subsystems. "We have to get out of here now, Captain Riker. That damn near cost us our life support and impulse power."

Riker acknowledges, and orders the ship out of the debris field, and on a course back to the nearest starbase.

As the helmsman maneuvers the aggrieved battleship toward open space, the navigator looks at the astrogation charts. "Sir, the nearest starbase is two light days away, but at impulse power that will be an impossible eternity. However there is science research laboratory Regula I in the Mutara sector. Three days travel at best speed."

Riker turns to his science officer, an Andorian male, who adds: "Regula I is not a repair equipped facility, and they are scientists, not combat troops, but the facility could prove to be a safe harbor until Starfleet aid arrives. I agree with the navigator's alternative."

"We could further mask our escape using the Mutara Nebula once we arrive in system," the navigator continues: "It'll be a risk, sir, but it will also help to avoid having our enemies target Regula I as we proceed towards her."

The science officer replies: "The Abkurzci Nebula is a scale four interference nebula, Captain. Mutara is a scale six. Unless we get most of our subsystems back up to optimal specs in the next three days, our problems will only worsen if we use the Mutara Nebula to cover our approach."

Riker weighs the options. "Set your course for Regula I, Lt. Densmore. Mr. Stevens, we will only use the Mutara Nebula if it is absolutely necessary. Otherwise, we beeline it."

In what seems to be a lifetime of moments later for the Vasquez crew, the gigantic, wounded battleship emerges from the Abkurzci Nebula. But before the crew can breathe a collective sigh of relief, alarms sound throughout the ship. Riker demands a report.

The Andorian science officer, Mr. Ther'sala'saran looks grimly at his recently repaired sensor scopes. "Reading multiple prismic distortions all around, Captain. We're surrounded."


Riker orders a shield and weapons status report. The replies he receives are less than comforting. Deflector power is down to twenty two percent. Main phaser power is at half. Point defense systems are optimal and will be able to track and destroy inbound torpedoes, but will be useless in a knife fight against another ship. Forward and broadside torpedo launchers are functional. Aft torpedo launchers requires drydock time.

"The distortions are resolving, Captain!" Commander Ther'sala'saran reports. "It's the Klingons!"

"On screen!" Riker orders.

On the main viewer of the Vasquez's bridge, we see three ominous looking warships materialize before the crew's very eyes. This belies the true count of enemy warships surrounding the battleship.

"My God" the navigator, Ensign Stevens, exclaims.

Stevens reports that the Klingon Warbirds are firing. Riker orders all available weapons open fire. "Gaila, launch that log buoy, now!"

"Aye, sir!" Gaila replies, touching a single button.

The Vasquez's weapon banks take down one enemy vessel before the other numerous Klingon Warbirds obliterate her with a punishing barrage of disruptor and torpedo fire. The battleship goes up in a wrathful explosion, and the fireball extinguishes in the vacuum of space almost as quickly as it had flared. The Klingon Warbirds move off, and recloak.

And the tiny log buoy continues toward deeper Federation space, unnoticed by the assailants.

Cue opening music and title....similar to the way ST '09 opened.

-------

more to follow
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Old 01-12-2010, 03:48 PM
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This is good stuff.

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Old 01-12-2010, 06:50 PM
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Thats pretty good writing.
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Old 01-12-2010, 08:03 PM
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Not bad. A little less of the tech side, and it could be shortened some, but I love that it slings you right in there. Nice !!!
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Old 01-12-2010, 08:40 PM
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Sweet! You're very talented, Martok!
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Old 01-12-2010, 11:22 PM
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Most kind, everyone, thank you. Will have much more soon.
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Old 01-13-2010, 09:56 AM
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Good stuff Martok! Abkurzci Nebula, love that bit of brown-nos...er...homage. But Gaila dead?!? Say it ain't so!

But seriously keep up the good work. I think you'll have something that could be submitted to Pocket Books or whoever's publishing the Trek novels these days.
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Old 01-13-2010, 10:12 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by That Metal Beastie View Post
Good stuff Martok! Abkurzci Nebula, love that bit of brown-nos...er...homage. But Gaila dead?!? Say it ain't so!

But seriously keep up the good work. I think you'll have something that could be submitted to Pocket Books or whoever's publishing the Trek novels these days.

AH HA!!! You noticed!

Thank you for the kind words, my friend.

I am currently working on the next segment of the story now.
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