[NCC-73515]

Not funny.

[That Metal Beastie]

Originally Posted by NCC-73515

Not funny.

I know some amputees that disagree.

Hey, Two clowns were eating a comedian. One asked the other 'This taste funny to you?'

[That Metal Beastie]

Whoa! Way to screw up a joke. That's - Two cannibals were eating the comedian...

Oh well the moment's past. And ya had to be there.

[horatio]

That's an old one but I still like it:

What business does a Vulcan, a Ferengi and a Orion have in my quarters? Speak quickly!

[Zardoz]

Originally Posted by Big D

Ouch. That pun's so bad it actually hurt. One time, my local newspaper had a "bad puns competition", trying to find the worst pun of all time. I sent in my ten worst puns. I was sure that at least one would win a prize for being so bad.
Unfortunately...
No pun in ten did.

So never use puns if the date on the package is past due.

[Spiritinthesky]

A man walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink.' Hey, nice tie!' comes out of nowhere. He looks up at the barman to see if he had said anything, but since he was on the other side of the bar the man just ignores it.

'Hey! Nice shirt!' The man looks up but, again, the barman is engaged elsewhere.' Hey! Nice suit!' The man then calls the barman over and asks him if he keeps talking to him.

'It's not me, it's the complimentary peanuts.'

[Spiritinthesky]

A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The policeman approaches the drivers door.

'Is there a problem Officer?'

The policeman says, 'Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your licence please?'

The driver responds, 'I'd give it to you but I don't have one.'

'You don't have one?'

The man responds, 'I lost it four times for drink driving.'

The policeman is shocked. 'I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?'

'I'm sorry, I can't do that.'

The policeman says, 'Why not?'

'I stole this car.'

The officer says, 'Stole it?'

The man says, 'Yes, and I killed the owner.'

At this point the officer is getting irate. 'You what?'

'She's in the boot if you want to see.'

The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun.

The senior officer says, 'Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!'

The man steps out of his vehicle. 'Is there a problem sir?'

'One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.'

'Murdered the owner?'

The officer responds, 'Yes, could you please open the boot of your car please?'

The man opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot.

The officer says, 'Is this your car sir?'

The man says 'Yes' and hands over the registration papers.

The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. 'One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence.'

The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled. 'Thank you sir, one of my officers told me you didn't have a licence, stole this car, and murdered the owner.'

The man replies, 'I bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!'

[NCC-73515]

If I called you 'sodium chloride' - would that be insalting?

[Big D]

Spiritinthesky, that's absolutely brilliant

[martok2112]

Is a police picnic a "steak out"? (or a "cop out"?)
Is a gym-teacher an exorcist?