I'm afraid that I don't know all of the excerpts of dialogue you list there but on paper some of them appear rather overwritten and waffle-filled, yes.
The one from 'Yesterday's Enterprise' is fine, though. It's short and sweet. The rest I would need some sense of why they are being made. And I like Picard's in 'The Drumhead'.
This could be a personal matter. I'm not and never have been the type of person to glow and get all warm and fuzzy at big powerful speeches about various things. Not that I can't be, of course - I'm not totally immune to such things. They are hard to make good and (perhaps ironically) I'm more a fan of 'the shorter the better'. It's a ship's bridge..........not a stage. I think it's because you're trying to square the circle of a scene that doesn't make sense to you that you're trying. I'm not trying to fix the scene because I think it plays fine as it is. A speech by Robau just doesn't fix this in the way you seem confident it does. Probably because you and I have different needs here.
And the Bill Pullman speech is also cringeworthy for me. I'd rather just get my head down and do whatever needs to be done and skip those parts.
'If the Apocalypse starts, beep me!' - Buffy Summers
'The sky's the limit.....' Jean-Luc Picard, 'All Good Things'
courtesy of Saquist
Last edited by kevin : 06-17-2012 at 12:27 AM.