I agree completely with what you're saying. I think the biggest thing that bothered me was that in the beginning, the movie was hyped as an "origin story" that was supposed to chronicle the early days of Kirk, Spock, and the rest. And in a sense, that's what we got. Just not in the way it should have been. It didn't show the origins of the original crew. It showed how the alternate universe versions of our heroes met. Even after watching the movie, we still have no clue (as far as on-screen canon is concerned) how the original prime versions of the crew ended up on the Enterprise together. That was the story I wanted to see.
It seriously bothers me that they threw away 43 years of Star Trek history just so they could dumb it down for a general audience of non-Trek fans. It was not necessary to totally redesign the whole Trek universe. The original designs could have been tweaked and updated enough to make them look modern without scrapping the original in favor of what we got. In the place of the ultra cool, colorful, inviting, efficiently designed original bridge we got the iBridge which looks like a cross between an Apple store and the jewelry department at Belk. In the place of the clean, neat, and efficient TOS engineering section we got the boiler room from the Titanic. In place of the original Matt Jeffries designed Enterprise we got the Church designed Abramsprise, or "Fuglyprise" as I like to call it which looks like a disproportioned kitbash of the TMP saucer and alien-ship-of-the-week body. Those nacelles are absolutely hideous. And WTF is up with the Abramsprise being almost twice as big as a Galaxy class ship? That is pure stupidity. Did the writers and designers do any research at all? Did they actually watch TOS at all? After watching this movie, I wonder if the so-called "trekkie" writers even knew anything at all about Star Trek. They certainly don't know much about dedicated TOS fans.
When I watched STXI, I enjoyed it as a generic time travel/action/adventure/sci-fi summer blockbuster popcorn flick. But I found myself missing Star Trek while I was watching it. Sure they got the names right, but that's about it. They missed the whole essence of Star Trek in my opinion.