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Old 12-06-2008, 07:19 AM
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JSnyder4 JSnyder4 is offline
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Hah! Your saucer separation comment reminded me of a little read and obscure review of TNG when it first started. I'm almost tempted to post it in full for posterity's sake. The review score it received was 2 stars which translated to: Don't bother.

The relevant section reads thus:

"<snip first section of article>
As the pilot movie oozed out over a lengthy two (too many) hours, we began to wonder...
1. Why is the Enterprise sooo ugly? 2. Is it going to come apart every week? 3. Why does the bridge look like a cocktail lounge? 4. Why does the transporter effect look like a bucket of water being dumped on the floor (especially when the effect in the last couple of movies has been really cool. ILM is doing the effects, so what gives?)? 5. Why do the phasers look like sparkly moonbeams? The photon torpedoes are O.K., though. 6. Why does everyone look like they have the hots for everyone else? (except the kid and the android - and that changes for one of them later...) 7. What is that Klingon doing there? 8. Is he a traitor or are the Klingons and Earthers friends now? 9. Why do the uniforms look like Spandex P.J.'s? 10. Why is Data (the android) that sickly color? If he is so human-like, why not make him exactly like a human in appearance? Why isn't he stunningly handsome? Homely androids make no sense to us. 11. We understand the idea of putting women in positions of authority, but why do all the women they cast seem either brainless, unhappy, or a little too butch? Can't they be doing their jobs competently without so much agony? We would have preferred to see a woman First officer or Captain. 12. And perhaps most importantly, why does everyone walk around like they have an airhose up their butt?
<snip some more> (Answers to some of the questions posed already)
1. Still no excuse for the Enterprise, especially up against the much more graceful, if probably outdated Gagarin class research vessel (like the ill-fated Grissom from STIII). Love the way the nacelles stretch like putty when it accelerates, though 2. Guess it won't come apart every week, but young Wes had control of Engineering for most of the show, and he (being the most clever and interesting character) probably doesn't like it apart either. And it's still a piece of cake to control the ship from Engineering; you'd think they'd have fixed that by now... 3. Still no answer here, though those three (1st Officer Riker, the Captain and the seemingly purposeless Telepath) look uncomfortable sitting in their lounge chairs with nothing to do (maybe they're wondering what happened to the cocktail waitress). And someone give that Security girl (Yar) a chair; the poor thing spends all day running up and down the biggest console you ever saw (she must wonder what she did wrong in the Service, with those three dodos in front of her with about five buttons to push between them). 4. Again, no illumination here, just more water. 5. Still dunno, though the tractors and repulsors are little better. 6. Everyone's hormones go wild here, and we see who has the hots for whom; and let us tell you, it's pretty ugly. The uptight Security girl and the android? Ick! The old, bald Captain and the Medical officer? Barf! (that explains the baldness bit; it must be sexy now). The dull Telepath and even duller Riker? Yawn! Meanwhile poor blind LeVar Burton (Geordi) lies on a bed and sweats while the kid redesigns the Enterprise's entire circuit layout, just because the stodgy old Captain won't let him on the Bridge (we guess because poor Wes isn't of drinking age yet...) 7-8. Still no answers here, either (and do we care about those icky Klingons, anyway?). 9. The uniforms look like P.J.'s to show off everyone's absolutely incredible physiques (in contrast to the old crew of Kirk, Scotty, and Uhura, all of whom were looking a bit out of shape by the later movies). Obviously the only recreational equipment on ship besides the Holodeck is the 400 nautilus machines. Too bad nobody has a brain to match. 10. Still unanswered question, though it seems that Lt. Yar likes him that way, at least when she's drunk. 11. No answer here, though none of the women has convinced us otherwise than our first impressions. 12. Why do they walk like that? Especially Riker? Is his uniform too tight? Are his lines too silly? Is he really just a bad actor?
<snip rest of article>

A nice reminder of the past.
Source: I.Q. Issue #1 (Summer 1988)

Last edited by JSnyder4 : 12-06-2008 at 07:23 AM.
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