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Quark 10-29-2012 02:41 PM

Would you...
 
Would you ever date your a friend of your ex? Now, if I were asked that question I would right away say no. But, being the hypocrite that I am, I'm quite attracted to my ex's close friend and the feeling seems to be mutual. It's funny but when I requested her on Facebook I was just trying to be friends. I asked for her number just as friends. She then tells me: "Yeah, let me just set the record straight. You're my best friend's ex and I don't think it would be a good idea if we start texting. I don't think she would like that." Totally understanding and making it clear that I had no attraction to her but mearly wanting to be friends, we keep it casual and just messaged each other on Facebook. Then one day out of the blue she gives me her number telling me she would rather text and not message each other on Facebook. Is this a lead on and should I just stop talking to her? Or do you think there is an attraction there?

LCARS 24 10-30-2012 03:33 AM

Yup, I've done that.

Enterprise Captain 10-30-2012 03:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Quark (Post 327003)
Would you ever date a friend of your ex?

The heart wants what the heart wants. Your ex is your ex for a reason and if the feelings are mutual with this friend of hers there is a potential for a great relationship, I wouldn't pass that up.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Quark (Post 327003)
Now, if I were asked that question I would right away say no. But, being the hypocrite that I am, I'm quite attracted to my ex's close friend and the feeling seems to be mutual. It's funny but when I requested her on Facebook I was just trying to be friends. I asked for her number just as friends. She then tells me: "Yeah, let me just set the record straight. You're my best friend's ex and I don't think it would be a good idea if we start texting. I don't think she would like that." Totally understanding and making it clear that I had no attraction to her but mearly wanting to be friends, we keep it casual and just messaged each other on Facebook. Then one day out of the blue she gives me her number telling me she would rather text and not message each other on Facebook. Is this a lead on and should I just stop talking to her? Or do you think there is an attraction there?

Ultimately if your ex and this girl's friendship is strong enough they will be able to work things out between them. If not there is a risk there friendship will end over this and that's the risk she'll have to take if she see's the potential in a possibly great relationship. Personally I like the straight forward approach, tell her how you feel but I know it's not always the easiest thing. Perhaps in this case the best thing to do is start texting her if that's what she wants and see where it goes. Overtime hopefully you will be able to figure out if the feelings are mutual. If things don't work out hopefully you can continue to be friends. At least you will know you tried and will never wonder what if? Walking away and never finding out what could be is worse if you ask me.

horatio 10-30-2012 04:41 AM

Not dating an ex-girlfriend of a friend is a dogma for me and I probably wouldn't go out with somebody who would betray her best friend like that but if you don't mind it I fail to see the problem of dating a friend of your ex-girlfriend, it is after all their friendship.
If it works out it might be awkward for you to see your ex again, e.g. at birthdays of your girlfriend, and of course you have to expect that your ex tells her best friend about not so nice stuff that occurred in your relationship.

Roysten 10-30-2012 05:36 AM

Not an easy situation, but certainly not an uncommon one! Do you know for sure that she likes you? May want to find out first as perhaps she wants to text rather then use facebook because your ex is annoyed that the two of you are messaging in the first place!

If you do both really like each other then I would act on it, as it's inevitable that at some party or any time you spend alone will result in something happening. If you tell your ex your intentions then at least you've considered her feelings, as it would be worse if you kept it quiet from her after getting together with her friend.

I think Horatio has a point though, dating the ex of a friend, especially a close friend is a bit of a betrayal really. If she's willing to do that to he friend then you don't know how she may treat you, how would you feel if she broke up with you then started dating your best friend?

Either way I wish you good luck!

Enterprise Captain 10-31-2012 09:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Roysten (Post 327007)
If you tell your ex your intentions then at least you've considered her feelings, as it would be worse if you kept it quiet from her after getting together with her friend.

It might be a good idea to go this route but how did things end between the two of you? I guess that is sort of a big factor in this equation that I didn't consider originally.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Roysten (Post 327007)
I think Horatio has a point though, dating the ex of a friend, especially a close friend is a bit of a betrayal really. If she's willing to do that to he friend then you don't know how she may treat you, how would you feel if she broke up with you then started dating your best friend?

Horatio does have a point but at the same time I wouldn't say it's necessarily a betrayal. I guess it all depends on how things ended between the two of them. Ultimately they are ex's for a reason and things didn't work out, neither of them should hold the other back from being in potentially great relationships.

horatio 10-31-2012 09:10 AM

True, if everything ended well it might be easier and your close friend might even encourage you to pursue this relationship.
Yet I couldn't help but thinking that my friend imagines that I already desired his ex while they had been together. Even a long and deep friendship can be harmed despite the sincere desire of everybody to deal with such a triangle issue maturely. Good intentions don't suffice.

To be quite blunt, you can meet so many people so why pick one of the few ones who have been ex-girlfriends of a good friend of yours and risk damaging your friendship?
On a side note, I frankly admit that there is something slightly chauvinistic about this 'ex of a friend is taboo' as it presupposes a notion of "exchanging women" and the exception to this in the case of your close friend which kinda elevates the male friendship above "petty sexual stuff".

Enterprise Captain 10-31-2012 12:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by horatio (Post 327047)
To be quite blunt, you can meet so many people so why pick one of the few ones who have been ex-girlfriends of a good friend of yours and risk damaging your friendship?

I can't speak for Quark but from personal experience sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants and sometimes it's worth the risk vs. never knowing, which is a worse outcome if you ask me.

Quark 11-05-2012 03:55 PM

Thanks so much for the input guys! I will try and just see how it is and if it doesn't work, it doesn't work.


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